fromundertheovercast...

revamp [v. ree-vamp; n. ree-vamp] 1. to renovate, redo, or revise: We've decided to revamp the entire show.

2010-12-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

Soon to be under construction. It's been a long time. I have decided to revamp with a whole new sense of direction in a seemingly directionless existence. There is more to come, with functionality and purpose.

Surfaces = Computers

2009-05-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

Another example proving that the future is here, in design at least. I imagine an external world in which masses are addicted to mass transit. Pretty amazing.

Vintage Recommendations

2009-03-24T11:01:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks it has become apparent to me that either people don't have the money to go out anymore or people just don't like going out anymore. Maybe people know the places I frequent and are currently avoiding me. A harsh assumption but it would be relieving to see familiar faces out and about. With summer time coming back around I hope that good friends do aswell. That being said I can definitely appreciate and understand the adventure of house parties or nights in. We need more movie nights. I admit that lately I have dropped the ball on several occasions but time needs to be made for movie nights. The last movie night I had will be noted in history books and timelines of human existence. Right up there with walking upright, using sharpened tools and the industrial revolution will be Dukes and I watching 70's and 80's films and drinking many a drink. Seriously, kids are going to read about this.

That being said, I have two recommendations for those special nights in watching movies. If you don't like horror or movies with brilliant entangled murder plots you're out of luck. I am not in the business of writing reviews or critiquing films simply because I have read too many reviews I disagree with or generally concluded to be a pile of shit. Also, there are countless times that reviews have ruined movies for me. Analogous to wine, you can right a book about it. You can talk about it's origin, tastes and characteristics. It doesn't mean a lot if you don't taste it. WATCH THESE MOVIES, even if you have already seen them.

Blood Simple (1984) Directed by Joel and Ethan Coen

This was Joel and Ethan Coen's first film and in my opinion a masterpiece.

The Brood (1979) Directed by David Cronenberg

Absolutely amazing for a movie drinking game. Try these.
Drink every time someone in the movie takes a drink.
Every time you see a turtleneck shout the name of a reptile. Last one come up with one has to drink.
Drink every time you see someone wearing a collared button up shirt underneath a sweater. (Horrid)
Drink every time someone says "daddy".
Go get another case of beer.
Come home and go to your closet. Put on a collared button up shirt and the ugliest sweater you own. Search the Internet for the same patterns of wallpaper in the movie. Contact me via this blog. I will come over and play the drinking game with you. I will bring my friend Dukes with me and we can laugh, cringe, and insert commentary together (as if we made the movie ourselves), for a small fee that is.

MCMLXXXI

2009-03-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

My one shot at The Big Time, stymied.

2009-02-12T10:34:00.000-08:00

I have about five dreams a night when it's silent. Listening to the radio has become habitual for me so on the occasions that I do not it seems that a whole stream of strange ideas pop into my head. I was directing a music video, for whom I don't know. It was some new radio friendly, "punk" anthem band. Atypical to the poster boy concert footage, or shitty dubs and close-ups they had hired me to make a strictly animated video. I can't draw. Yet some how in the world of sleep I had achieved the goal of making a video they were satisfied with. It was a cartoon with character voiceovers throughout the song, of a raccoon, a monkey, and a weasel that had been kicked out of their parents' houses and were now wandering the city looking for their first jobs. All three unconcerned with this first shove into the world of responsibility, they cruised around in a Cadillac, trying to score some loot for cheap beer and weed. I kept asking the band if they were serious about the video, if it was what they really wanted. They couldn't stop talking about how "stoked" they were, or about how "sick" the video was. I was watching it after the final edits and didn't believe that I drew it. I knew that if it was released I had no future in the industry. It was a nightmare.

I need a movie theater that plays stuff like this.

2009-02-10T14:50:00.000-08:00

Spent last night drinking vodka and watching movies. Normally after a couple flicks and a few drinks I just start to nod off. Not the case. Maybe it's this damn cold but probably more so that I am restless. While the world sleeps I sit with a tingling face and insert commentary over the subtitles of Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974). I still don't understand why the "spacemen" are not really men at all, their ape identities revealed after being wounded or killed, or the strategy of attacking Japan in the first place as opposed to some other country. Maybe a country lacking a lizard bad ass that rises from the sea and a known prophecy of a giant gremlin that has already thwarted foreign invasion. But apparently a production of that magnitude is in itself a masterplan (we'll work out the details later). Just have another vodka, it will make more sense. I imagine I would look and act that confident if I had a band of goons in tin foil suits and a cyborg, flying, fighting lizard.

What's up with that?

2009-01-30T15:49:00.000-08:00

Two of my favorite places to eat on our main drag in South Eugene closing for seperate reasons: Pizza Pete's is going out of business and Fina Taqueria is apparently becoming some BBQ joint. What can you do?

One more day of rationalization

2008-12-31T12:16:00.000-08:00

"So where will you be when you watch the ball drop?"
"Did I ever say I was going to?"
"Isn't that what you usually do?"
"Have you ever seen me still awake by midnight?"
"Do you ever remember anything after midnight?"
"Hmmm...do you have any resolutions?"
"Do you think I'm fat?"
"........do you think I smoke too much?"
"Do you think either one of us is going to make an effort to drink less?"
"Do you think that either one of us is ready for change, be it good or bad?"
"........no. But we have to."

A Short List

2008-12-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

Four black and white films from the 1990's that everyone should see. (this means you):

Clerks, Kafka, Dead Man, and π

2008-11-28T10:46:00.001-08:00

Kicking Ass With A Fist The Size Of Your Torso

2008-11-22T12:36:00.000-08:00

Without a doubt on of the best NES games of all-time and a personal favorite of mine is Battletoads. Produced by Rare Software in 1991 the game certainly rivaled TMNT but was in my opinion better. This is not only because of the surfy intro music with a punk rock beat and crazy punching sound effects when the game is paused, but because to this day I find it to be a truly challenging and fun game. Every level is completely different in gameplay, from the 3-D first level, swinging down the "wookie hole", the later, more difficult 2-D levels and dodging obstacles while surfing and hovercrafting in the chasm. Another thing I have always loved about the game the "cartoon" aspect of it. The exaggerated features of the character animation simply make the game more entertaining. It is one of the better developed games of it's time. This was around the time Nintendo was making the jump to the SNES, where someone had the great idea to take two classic games in Battletoads and Double Dragon, combine them and make a really crappy game.

As far as tips and tricks for the game I honestly can't offer a whole lot. I still am not all that great at it. In the second level, the impact crater or "wookie hole", hit the birds repeatedly against the walls as they fall. Each hit gives you an increasing number of points and after several hits a 1up. Of course these will be crucial in beating future levels which I would describe as "harder than hell." Also use the warps unless you are a badass and don't use warps.

In the mid to later levels of the game like the Snake Pit and Gargantua Ducts there are a shit tone of spikes that kill you instantly which unless you are an expert makes continuing inevitable. (Why do spikes always mean instant death?) I don't mean to discourage you from playing but honestly, that isn't even the hard part yet. Just play the damn game! Once you discover or rediscover it you will realize it is the best NES game ever made...or at least in the top ten.

On the subject of music videos (several days later i know)

2008-11-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

Pelican has a new one: "Lost In The Headlights" from their amazing record City of Echoes.

Pelican |MTV Music

I suggest watching "Dead Between The Walls" first. Never get sick of these guys.

Pelican |MTV Music

Red Fang "Prehistoric Dog"

2008-11-12T14:32:00.000-08:00

My new favorite music video.

They were doing it there way in pre-history.

2008-11-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

Ride The Pterodactyl is the long awaited first album of Tony Borg and The Human Tofu. Every track on the album can be described as epic or even timeless. They have taken rock music to a new level not of confidence and power but of distorted bass licks in a mesh with higher "cleaner" bass "leads", wacky riffs and various grunts and groans. Somehow they managed to produce one of the best records of the year without the use of percussion instruments. "We hate drummers. That's pretty much become our motto. They always steal our drugs." This was the only comment of The Human Tofu in a short post gig interview granted a week ago, after playing in a strangers driveway. We asked Tony Borg about what this album means, and about the message and feelings the band is trying to convey in this revolutionary style of play. "Well, what really inspired my end of the creative process was when I was a child in the late 80's. Two teenage Iron Maiden fans broke into my parents garage when I was home alone and started huffing paint. It was fuckin' sick dude." The influence of heavy metal titans like Iron Maiden is notable throughout the album, though Maiden's epic studio releases feature many lengthy tracks. Borg and Tofu's longest track spans about a minute and a half. Tony Borg commented, "we really went all out on this one... but at the same time we just wanted to get to the point." Ride The Pterodactyl takes this classic metal influence and all out destroys it with a barrage of stupid core that only Tony Borg and The Human Tofu can pull off, totally defeating the purpose of playing in the first place. "We pretty much cancel ourselves out. It's nihilistic. It rocks." I asked them about their other influences and inspirations. "7-Eleven nachos and other bands that wear sweatbands." I also asked them what inspired the band name. "Shut up, this interview sucks."

Tony Borg and The Human Tofu: Ride The Pterodactyl (2008)

1. The Lizard Gods
2. Ride The Pterodactyl
3. Robots From Hades
4. Wielding Excalibur
5. The Power Ninja
6. Impaled With A Spatula
7. Death. Kill. Bleed.
8. Mighty Bearded Wizards

warfare in another place and time

2008-11-06T16:20:00.000-08:00

In a rail car riding over an enormous canyon the wind blew sand in my face. It was the strangest feeling to be traveling several hundred feet in the air across one rail. It seemed as though we were placed with no reference in an exciting yet haunting space and time. As we moved across, the rail came to several switches. He operated a lever to control our direction at each switch though he seemed to do it with great reluctance. He had never been there either. We didn't know where we were going. The car was completely constructed of metal. No seats, no windows other than the long narrow one in front used by the operator while moving forward. The continuous intense scrapping of metal on metal made it impossible to have a conversation as we traveled at high speeds. There were spots of the interior that had rusted out yet the car and the rail were still functional. There were fires burning over the tops of huge chain link fences on the other side. In the distance atop plateaus I could see countless flying objects with wings but too small to be planes. Past the last switch the car came around a winding left turn straight for the edge of the canyon. It felt like a roller coaster yet the rail was seemingly suspended in air. The entire car was empty and stretched about fifteen feet back, maybe six feet across. The rail climbed to make the edge of the flat land where I looked out to the right to view numerous infernos. Massive burning fuel tanks and power plants in fenced compounds were exploding, hit with bombs from the sky but not from planes. Men with mechanical wings that encased small incendiary bombs to dispose of at will were destroying this industrial area with little opposition from a small army trying to defend it. The force of an exploding fuel tank shook the car to point of almost derailing it. As a crazy array of gunfire flew past us I realized that more of these strange rocket powered men were flying over us but it was clear we weren't the intended target. I watched as several of them were hit and rapidly spiraled to the ground. In one last glance at the chaos we were passing a saw several of these men swirling past each other in opposing colors, gray and blue armored suits. The rail car continued to ascend toward another plateau in this unknown desert. We were refugees in some futuristic yet outdated mode of troop transport, trying to stay alive. It was weird.

The Bastard

2008-10-31T16:09:00.001-07:00

New Adventures In Daywalking

2008-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

We parked in a small turnaround and got out of Adam's car. "Look! That is the trail we are going on," he said. It didn't look like much of one but none the less it was the only one. The first few feet were covered with thorny bushes which should have given me an indication of things to come. We ascended the hill at a moderate pace for a few minutes than stopped to admire the view.

This place reminded me of somewhere I had been before but couldn't place it.

We were headed to some caves at the top of a large hill. Soon we arrived at a meadow that was almost completely overgrown by blackberries. The trail vanished into the thorns. So we did the only thing adventurous souls would do: made or own trail. Making our way through the woods in an attempt to avoid the sea of thorns that populated the area proved to be a challenge, then over one ridge,
to where we faced the incline of another. It had been a long time since I had been in a place that untouched, or at least not recently touched. Here and there we found overgrown skitter trails and old stumps of trees logged decades ago. Along the damp forest floor the dead wood was just the top phase of the soil. There were several logs that I stepped on that turned to dust under my feet. At the top of the next ridge were huge steep rocks. This is where Adam had remembered the caves.

Adam

We made our way up a winding trail to the rocks. I was ill equipped for the expedition in my treadless Dr. Martins but made it up a steep rock on the second attempt despite my now aching ribs. The caves were more like canals that led down through the rocks from one open space to another. I didn't want to take pictures because I just wanted to be in the moment. I figured I might internally use them as an excuse to not go there again. I had sweat the toxins out of my body. It felt great. We made our way down between two rocks to a ledge where Adam had lost his machete on a previous expedition. It was about six feet wide and led to the entrance of another cave. We climbed inside. There was some red spray paint on the walls. In large letters "LARRY AND ELLEN" and below that "ELLEN AND JOHNNY". "Man, Ellen is a whore," Adam said. I didn't trust this "Ellen". I wondered about the bones that we had come across at the bottom of the ledge.

"We better leave before Ellen gets back," I grinned.

South of the cliffs we jumped a barbed wire fence and walked into a meadow. All the thorny bushes had been flattened. I still had my walking stick. We made our way down a road and eventually arrived at what first appeared to be a crooked shelter. Then to our right there were several others spaced out at the bottom of a rock face some fifty feet high. After review we came to the realization that they were once used for feeding cows.

Eventually we made in down through the meadow to the road where Adam used my walking stick to prop a gap in the barbed wire so we could get through. Night had fallen and we made or way back to Adam's car. It was a hell of a time in all its peculiarity and eeriness. And totally worth it.

daywalking

2008-09-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

The light of day is not a disease but more like an allergy. Not an ultimate daily obstacle but an itching inconvenience. Blinds drawn I lay in wait, then I remember that I work days. I won't turn to ash any sooner than the rest of the world. Can I at least get a cloud so my head doesn't hurt. When all this comes back around I will be cursing the rain. More to come, but less of this.

Fear of mange ridden animals

2008-08-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

It was a camping trip and I was with several friends hiking in an undisclosed location. Undisclosed to my consciousness that is. We were in the forest and they had a dog. This was a very large brown dog. It had the body of a German shepherd but bigger, standing as tall as my hip and had very light brown almost golden hair. We were all walking a trail together, dog on leash, passing a slow moving narrow stream. The dog stopped with ears perched. We stopped as well and stood silently hoping to hear whatever it had. It barked toward the woods then started to run, jerking free with the leash held by one of my friends. We tried to chase after but the dog disappeared into the woods. We searched late into the night with no success.

Fast forward about a week. I was in a house that I knew to be mine (but it isn't mine, it never is). There were several other people living in this same dwelling. Some adults, some children. Dilapidated and filthy from its overcrowded condition and lack of utilities it was apparent that we didn't have a desirable economic status. It was a slum. I had a copy of the local daily newspaper. I opened it to a full page color photograph of a man being mauled by a dog. A large brown mange ridden dog with enormous bloodshot eyes and a foaming mouth. I started to read the article which described this immense unidentified canine creature. It had been photographed in the act of killing this man. "Why would they print this photo?" I asked myself. A television was on behind me. A local news bulletin came on warning of an animal loose in the city that had reportedly killed a little girl and chased a woman with a baby. Both instances were in our neighborhood. The news anchor strongly advised the community to lock all doors and windows, while authorities hunted the animal. I was in a panic because I knew that somehow, some way and for some reason this dog was coming for us. Running from room to room I tried to lock all the doors and make sure everyone was in the house. I was shutting all the windows and then realized that there were holes in the walls. At the back of the house there was what appeared to have once been a pantry area with stained, dusty shelves and broken glass jars everywhere holding rotten food. On the floor and through the open back door were countless animals. Mostly dogs, cats and chickens. We lived with an out of control coop, all the pens destroyed. The whole place was overrun with strays. I was trying to save them all. Something unexplainable had happened to that dog. More crazy and illogical loose associations. But still connected somehow.

The Bastard

2008-08-07T18:39:00.001-07:00

Three words I never capitalize even at the beginning of a sentence.

2008-07-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

god
christmas
olives

The Commute via RRV

2008-07-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

He walked out of the office building and stood motionless on the steps for a moment as the cars past on the busy street. It was a winter night in the city. The rain dripped off the brim of his fedora. He had no raincoat and his suit soon became saturated. Almost in a trance he fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette, then a match. On the second try he took a long hard drag and exhaled upward staring into the night sky. As he ashed the wet cigarette broke in half. This was of little concern to him. He blinked repeatedly trying to adjust to the street lights. Staring at green font on a computer monitor for the last ten hours his eyes felt dry and irritated. He felt like an insect staring up at the skyscrapers that surrounded him. He turned to look at his place of employment. The office he was just in was about fifty stories up. It seemed so strange that only a few minutes had passed since he was there and now looking up at the rows of identical windows he didn't know where "there" was. This also was of little concern to him. There were countless times where he didn't know where "there" was or how much time had actually elapsed. He shrugged and grinned slightly as he made his way down the steps and turned on the sidewalk, walking down the street to the commuter station. He didn't even understand how it worked. As he walked past the alley next to his building he looked back at the black spray paint graffiti on the side. It was large and in all caps.

PAY TO PARK. PAY TO LIVE. PAY TO DIE.

No one worked these hours anymore. Most of his colleagues worked through the night and caught the first commuter of the morning. He was alone and waited under the small shelter knowing that it wouldn't be long. The commuter was like clockwork. Never early, never late. It never stopped, never accelerated, never decelerated. He opened his briefcase and pulled out his route recognition vest and slipped in on over his head. It was like that of a construction worker, but electronic, and the built in sensors gave it a very reflective quality. On the bottom left hand side of the vest was the keypad. Route 126 was the way home. He saw the commuter making it's long gliding turn up the street and stepped closer to the magnetic rail, waiting for it to pass. As it did, the ray of light from the gun mounted to the side struck the sensors on his vest. He shut his eyes and the rain stopped. Wiping the water off his face, he looked up at the commuter station sign. COMMUTER STATION ROUTE 126. His apartment was three buildings down.

Dog Days

2008-07-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

Crazy day of house hunting in the Eugene downtown area. I have found in my "adult" life that being stationary is no way to be. A year in one dwelling is about all I can take. The hunt lasted until late afternoon and ended with me sitting on a friend's walkway enjoying cold refreshment. These days always end this way. It is too damn hot outside for them not to. On the way over I walked through a field behind a school district building and had a deja vu moment. I remembered walking through a field in my dream last night, but the grass was a lot taller. I got to a train bridge with a crowd of people on the other side. They were in a park that appeared as though it had been used as a camp by drifters for years. It was evident that these people had no homes. They spotted me over the bridge and didn't say a word. They just stared and all waved in unison. That was it. Just another strange flash. That's all I have been having lately. I feel like I am not anchored in anything in sleep or in waking life. Maybe it is not such a bad thing or maybe it is just my "fuck it" attitude. Either way I am refusing to carry extra weight. After I have migrated there will be a house warming party. Make sure you get on the list.

In A Pedestrian's Travels

2008-07-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Today on my way to work:

Items found:

Wildlife encountered: One black cat, one pigeon, countless blackbirds and crows, and five squirrels (two dead).

It's like gambling without the gambling part.

2008-06-24T12:41:00.001-07:00

Those of you out there that may actually take the time to look at this page may have thought that it was seasonally on the schnide based on the title or maybe thought that something horrible had happened to me based on the content. Neither is farther from the truth. The fact is that I am just lazy. Coinciding to my absence from this page was an absence from a semi-recent past time and an entertaining one at that: Monday night bingo at Sam Bond's. Although I didn't win a damn thing I did drink nine beers in the company of Q who always ups the comedic value, which is the whole reason for being there. Due to the events raising popularity and an influx of celebratory college frenzy we struggled to find a seat even though we were an hour and a half early. Fending off the horde after smoke breaks reminded me why I hate crowds and why I hadn't been there recently. Not to say I won't go back again, but I have not ruled out the proposition of bringing woodland creatures in a gunnysack to release on the crowd. Next time we seriously need to put a posse together, corner the bingo market. It's getting out of control.

The Bastard

2008-05-15T10:51:00.001-07:00

David Lynch was a bad idea.

2008-05-13T20:57:00.000-07:00

Been on a bender from hell out on the outskirts. I am on the verge of resurfacing yet caught somewhere between wake and sleep. I keep reaching for inspiring thoughts but that is all that it is, reaching. We have been sitting around playing video games and watching shows about regression to our past lives. It makes me chuckle but at the same time gives me the chills. People are consumed by a desire to understand their minds yet simultaneously consumed by their secrets. It makes you kinda wonder who you really know, or what sides of a person you know. Here we are on extended weekends when we could be somewhere else, anywhere else. Are we going to hell or are we already there? Waiting for the rem sleep to kick in, but it doesn't. Or maybe this is just a dream. More to come when I actually wake up.

W=FD

2008-05-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

Wonderful, joyous Saturday afternoon. Stuck inside under fluorescent lights really only for the sake of warming a chair. Cutting out shelf tags with scissors as opposed to my customary way with a paper cutter, only to kill time. Building numerous seeqpod playlists, listening to punk rock, avoiding responsibility, avoiding people, and smoking cigarettes. My hair is getting longer and starting to fro out again. Idle thoughts. I keep telling myself that there will be something to do on Friday nights, then I wake up Saturday morning. I'm going to put my sunglasses on and wait for the night and it's monstrosities. I was told last night by a good friend that he could see me walking downtown with a double bladed ax. That's inspiring. There is a short film I will make some day based on the conversation, but for now idleness. I am going to start playing guitar again, tomorrow, next week, this summer, but for now...

signing off,
fromundertheovercast

Dumb luck isn't just luck. Wait, I think that came out wrong.

2008-05-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been I while. I find myself once again reflecting on one of my previous posts. Or is it reflecting a reflection of an even further previous post. My argument essentially was that being in the right place at the right time is everything. However this is really only half of the truth. Being in the right place at the wrong time can be equally as valuable. We've all been there whether voluntary or not. It's like a tap on the shoulder from a friend that knows you as well as you know yourself trying to stop you from being drunk and belligerent or trying to tell you that regret is in store for your short term decisions. Sometimes it takes a complete asshole stranger or two to finally convince you that opportunity is actually an accident waiting to happen. Back to the goldmine...it is fatal. I fell in and all the gold turned into beer. But I can learn from my mistakes...eventually. It's in my hands. King Midas has nothing on me.

stoop: v. 4. a. to lower or debase oneself b. to descend from a superior position; condescend

2008-04-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

Friday morning note from my officemate. Little does he know where I spent Thursday night.

The legend of Prince Valient a.k.a. crappy action gameplay

2008-04-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is another one that I never played as a child and for two reasons. For one, I probably would have glanced at the cartridge packaging and said, "man that looks lame" and secondly it was only released in Europe. Now thanks to the wonders of online emulation of the NES I can enjoy the experience, one that would have been a rarity at the time of the games release.
The Legend of Prince Valiant was released in 1992 in the midst of the animated television series of the same name, which aired on The Family Channel (does The Family Channel still exist?.) I'm sure that the timing of the release was well intended to sell many a copy of this action adventure for all ages. The animated series and the game are based on the comic strip which has been in existence since 1937. The design and developer (Ocean) has done several other games that I was familiar with as a child.
Let me be straight with you. You throw stuff at bad guys. I don't even know who the bad guys are or what you are throwing at them. Before starting game play you can read the story. It tells of the marsh which just happens to be the first stage you must pass. I killed the evil serpent and made it to a bat, then I gave up. Basically you kill bad guys that either try to grab you, or impale you with arrows and spears. In killing these evil woodland cutthroats you are rewarded with energy increases, small portions of time (gee thanks) and tokens. Don't ask, I don't know what the tokens are either. There are traps in the ground that are instant death. You may as well jump in the first one you see, for the marsh is just too perilous for some sissy prince. The king needs to send a damn army in there.
Things I quickly discovered about this game: You can't throw things when you are kneeling. You can't throw things when you are jumping. Go ahead try to throw one of those things at that archer in the background who constantly pelts you with arrows. You're fucked. I challenge you to make it past the bat, and hopefully to the next level where you get to shoot the woodland cutthroats with a crossbow.
I congratulate Prince Valiant for making it over 70 years in the papers even if I can't make it past 5 minutes of the game. How else can I describe it? I am looking in my thesaurus for the best antonyms of epic, glorious, adventurous, or anything else one might use to describe mid-evil fairy tale type shit. It's about as epic as say...doing your laundry.
**Important** Prince Valiant can't swim.

The little man's rules of dating girls.

2008-04-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

1) Don't go out on a date with a girl you have never met before.
2) Don't kiss a girl you have never met before.
3) You are not allowed to kiss a girl until you have been on 17 dates.
4) It's okay to marry a girl after you have been on 18 dates.
5) In order for any of the rules to count, first you have to go through me. I'm not saying that it needs to be okay with me. I mean that you have to beat me one on one in a wrestling match.

late night at ALVIN'S

2008-03-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Walking around the university neighborhood in the late hours I stumbled upon an establishment I had never seen before. It was an old, dingy white building that at one point had been a house. Now it had been converted to a local bar and grill, but not just any run of the mill bar and grill. The siding was covered by many rows of christmas lights, many of them flashing in a wide array of colors. There was a covered deck on the right side of the building when facing it from the street. This was the entrance. On the rails, support beams and roof of this deck where rows of colored light bulbs that illuminated the entire side of the lot through the fog and darkness of the winter night. "How long has this place been here?" I wondered. "How could I have missed it?" On the side of the building facing the street was a giant flashing neon of a clown. This was not just any smiling or waving clown, holding balloons to hand out to the kids at birthday parties. To the phychobilly music reverberating over the outside speakers on the deck, this giant neon clown was doing a perfectly in time, rhythmic pelvic thrust. Above the clown were multicolored neon letters flashing one at a time. A-L-V-I-N-S. I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe it had been pulled to earth's surface by some caravan from hell. Just a theory. I was hesitant in approaching the entrance but I knew there was no way I could pass a place like this up. I walked up on the deck where there were two women having a conversation, but it was completely drown out by the music. You could hear the speakers rattle. They were beat up from years of extensive use and exposure to the weather. I opened the door. I was immediately hit by the cloud of cigarette smoke that filled the room. I did a quick pan of the place not knowing what to expect. To my right, just inside the door there was an Ultracade machine with three teenage boys gathered around it, all smoking cigarettes. There were booths all the way around the walls of the place. In the middle was huge U shaped bar with stools all around it. It seemed as if there were as many seats at the bar as there were at the tables, however they were all occupied. There was a waiter standing on the other side of the bar but there were no other employees in sight. The place was packed with customers, all smoking cigarettes and almost all eating whole rotisserie chickens. Almost every spot in the place that wasn't occupied had not been bussed and was covered with left over rotisserie chicken, scattered newspapers, and cigarette ash. All these people were strangers to me. After a minute or so of walking around I finally found a semi-clean table in the back corner with a menu waiting for me. I turned it over. In bold letters it read "Whole Rotisserie Chicken" and below that "Split Pea Soup." That was it. The waiter came to my table. "Decide what you want yet?"
"This is really all you guys serve?"
"Yep."
"Can I get a cup of coffee?"
He stared at me blankly for a moment. "Sure, but that is the only beverage we have."
As he walked away I asked, "how do you guys get so much business with only three items on your menu?"
He glanced back at me over his shoulder,"because you can smoke."

quick thought

2008-03-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson: Question direct statements, for reality is only perception. That and people are liars. Just sayin'.

street art from around the globe.

2008-03-20T11:01:00.001-07:00

Origin unknownThe Suburbs of Adelaide, South Australia
The Streets of Los Angeles, CA

I found these ones particularly intriguing. See more.
www.woostercollective.com

stumble into clarity

2008-03-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I blogged about my take on finding money while in a public setting. There is no doubt that I share that idea with many others and that it is not only applied to money or any other possessions in which we find comfort or security. I've been thinking about it a lot in recent days. It seems almost cliché but at the same time rooted in a survival mechanism and completely ingrained in society. It's a philosophy that really all boils down to three easy words: "Seize the moment." I guess it's simply, because if you don't someone else will.

On the other hand, if you fall into a goldmine, it could be fatal. So watch your step. There is a such thing as having too many opportunities and missing out on what you really want. I could babble for hours but I won't. I sound like a shitty horoscope. So if you do find money on the street or even if you don't, just play it cool. Buy somebody a drink...

The Signal. I don't do star ratings but it's right up my alley.

2008-03-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

I went and saw a late night movie last night. Not what I had expected but then again I was unfamiliar with it. I would have to say that out of the movies I have seen so far this year The Signal has got to be in my top five. This movie really does have cult classic written all over it. I would describe it as Videodrome meets 28 Days Later, but also with a certain degree of comic relief in the tone of Shaun Of The Dead. The way the hysteria and violence are brought to the screen reminded me right away of 28 Days Later, and that it is all based around a citywide epidemic reinforces that. But this epidemic of mass violence, hysteria, hallucinations, gore and all out psychosis isn't based on the spreading of anything in the biological or chemical realm. I'll leave it at that.

To view the trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/magnolia/thesignal/
or like everything else you can find it on youtube.

Title:Giant Babies From Hell

2008-02-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

I was driving up a winding road on the edge of a wooded hill. It was a sunny day. The glare on the windshield was almost too much to stand and was intensified by bright white untouched snow that covered the road, about twelve inches of it. Where did it come from? The weather and warmth from the sun provided no evidence of a storm in the recent past. What made the drive even more bizarre was that I was leaving behind the only evidence that the road had been traveled since the snow had fallen. I didn't know where I was going or why I was driving in such horrid conditions. The whole thing had Silent Hill feel to it, sort of. It was kind of like I had fallen and hit my head and didn't know who the hell I was anymore. Driving mad and disoriented. Taking a long winding turn I started to fishtail and then slid around in a circle into the ditch. I was stuck. Exiting the vehicle the snow got in my shoes. I was alone and there was virtually no hope of finding anyone else traveling that road. I decided I had to walk out. As I turned to start my ascent up this lost highway, I saw something very strange forming in the distance. It was a black cloud moving toward me. A small dense cloud that really looked more like black smoke. As it moved toward me it changed shape. It seemed as though it were alive. It loomed over me as I stood motionless next to the vehicle not knowing what to do. It was just a few feet above me, animate and producing a very low load sound. Rolling thunder. It took the form of what looked like cherubs joined at the torso. One right side up, the other inverted facing backward, like a playing card. They were very defined yet constantly reforming themselves, from the chaotic dark gas that rolled yet stayed in place. It was trying to escape into the atmosphere but being held in shape like smoke in a glass box. If they were angels I would hate to see what demons look like. The top one extended an arm from within the cloud and shot lightning out of its finger striking the car. The car disappeared and reappeared almost instantaneously in the middle of the road. The entire cloud vanished and I stood there next to the car freed from the snowy ditch. I wondered if I should get back in. Yeah, cheesy I know. I dare someone to give me their interpretation of it. What the fuck.

The Bastard

2008-02-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

2008-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

If I were to try this someone would kick me in the nuts. This reminds me of a few psychology experiments I did for a class once. Of course those didn't involve 206 other people.

I got it! if we can change tokens for beer...

2008-01-30T14:37:00.000-08:00

There are some people that just cannot handle crowds. I am going to go out on a limb by stating that frequently this inability to be civil and frankly, not be a douchebag is a direct result of alcohol. Other times it is a result of panic and misuse of authority. This case is an example of both. Party on.
I'll be the first to admit that I wanted to beat up the rat , which probably would have incited violence, but really, what is going on in Flint Township, Michigan? I have never been there, but I hope for their sake this isn't an everyday occurrence, although according to reports there were two incidents on consecutive days. I am generally not concerned with acts violence or socially acceptable behavior, but you have to draw the line somewhere. If this doesn't cross your line I'm not sure anything could. If you're sliding in the direction of lunacy and you can't take the constant stimuli of children screaming and lights flashing, at least make it worthwhile and safe for the kids. Have another family member or close friend drive the kids home. When the kids are out of the picture then it's okay to take out the hostilities on others that are responsible for there own stupidity, namely stupid parents (make sure someone has taken their kids home too), the overweight stupid employees that can't shut up, and of course the rat. Still, it goes without saying that putting this plan into effect will still warrant response from the authorities, but at least it will be you that gets pepper sprayed and not someone else's children. I'm not going to look at this as the downfall of society in America. There's a load of other stupid human tricks that already have me convinced. But I must admit I'm baffled. I couldn't even write it like that.

saying goodbye concrete, hello me

2008-01-29T14:10:00.000-08:00

Did a face plant Friday night. Waiting for my upper lip to heal. These things happen to me or as I tell others when they ask, I happen to me. I have tried to convince myself that these things just happen, but I don't see anyone else with road rash on their face. My dream of free style running is all but dead. Bigger plans are on the horizon. By the time the snow melts the sandpaper on my face should be gone and honestly so should I. A vacation is in order indeed. The least I could do is make a fool of myself on my own time, in my own way, and do it with a smile on my face... and keep my face.

Milton will never top Barton

2008-01-23T14:04:00.000-08:00

This is one of the hilarious sketches of all time. Those of you that have seen it know what I am talking about. Those of you with no prior knowledge of the group be prepared to witness comic genius. Those of you that have a contrary opinion, take a walk. Retrace your steps. You left your sense of humor somewhere. It is hazardous to your health to remain without it.

dimensia

2008-01-20T02:45:00.000-08:00

I love the saying "there are two sides to every story". Shit, last time I checked there weren't two sides to anything. The shortest distance between point A and point B is a Straight Line. That seems more valid even in a social context. Action, reaction. Besides, if there is only two people involved can you really call it a story. I am going to compile a list of stories with two or less characters to prove my point. But in the meantime, simple math.
How many people were witness to said "story". Insert number here: ___
That's how many sides there were. But we are beyond this fundamental point. Above it or below it? There is not enough time to realize that the first grade game of telephone never ended.
On the other hand, a circle has an infinite number of sides, Earth only has about 7 billion.

pong against the evil alliance of marine life

2008-01-17T11:27:00.000-08:00

Alright, I have a confession to make. Like my dreams, this blog has become multi-themed and sometimes themeless...if that is possible. Even as the author I cannot label it with any consistent meaning or purpose. Deal with it. So here comes another review on an 8-bit game from an individual that knows nothing about reviews and an excess amount about shitty 8-bit games like Thunder and Lightning.

I remember this one as a child though I am sure a significant amount of people don't. This game was distributed by Romstar Inc. and developed by Visco Games. The arcade version differs quite drastically from the NES version I am used to but the basic concept is the same: keep the ball in the air. I am quite certain that it has been said before, if you are a fan of Pong, or maybe just really faded, you will love this game. I don't know the story behind your little guy with the Pong paddle and the big nose but he seems pretty cool. What turns the game into an all out action packed frenzy of goodness is the little submarine that swims by under the blocks you need to destroy. When the ball strikes the little thing it shits out a special tool or prize and you have to scamper to retrieve it while keeping the ball from hitting the bottom of your screen. It's a submarine piñata. The trinkets include 1ups, a multi-ball feature and a bigger ball which destroys pretty much everything in it's path. Also there are different creatures (like the assholes with tentacles in each upper corner of the following picture) that try to obstruct your mission in a variety of ways.

This is a picture of the first level. I wanted to leave you in suspense and refrain from potentially ruining the game for you. Yeah, I know, just let me have my moment.

I am going to ruin one part for you. If you run out of lives like most games way back when you cannot continue on the level you have advanced to. Sadly the game starts over from the beginning and you throw the controller in frustration against the wall or floor, breaking it. Forced to retire, you snap back into the realization of your adult life. Tragic.

If only it were that easy.

2008-01-11T20:05:00.001-08:00

I guess that everyone has regrets sometimes. It is pointless to tell myself that I don't but also pointless to tell myself I don't believe in the supernatural to a certain extent. I'm testing this one as soon as I get a chance.

No, really......

2008-01-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

Picture this. A family driving down a country road in a family fun and safe vehicle. Husband behind the wheel, wife on the passenger side, and three lovely children strapped down in the back playing games and singing songs. This reminds me of many childhood trips, many to visit relatives, many to go sightseeing or vacationing, especially because these trips were always in a crowded vehicle being that I have two siblings (we were not lovely however) and also because of the wooded remote setting and a two lane highway. The one major difference is a dog. Not just any dog, a wiener dog that has the ability to speak English. At least I think it can. The wife, oblivious to the pain she is inflicting her husband, has the anxious dog on her lap. While the dog continuous torments the husband by jumping on him and trying to lick his face the wife is trying to restrain it and distract it by asking it repeatedly to recite the alphabet. The bratty little wiener dog is having none of it. The only letter is will say is "B! B!" over and over again.
"Why wouldn't you do it!" the wife begins shouting furiously at the dog, "I know you can!"
"B! B!"
"Because your a fucking psycho bitch." the husband tells her.
The dog growing even more insubordinate jumps over the front seat into the laps of the children, whose merriment becomes a meshing wave of noise, void of words, like the insanity of first graders dismissed to recess.
"Oh honey, your language is discouraging him from his school work."
"School work! I'm trying to drive!"
One of the children's backseat windows is open allowing an intense breeze to blow in which without doubt helps the family communication process even more.
"Mom can you help me?" one of the children asks. Mother looks back to see the child holding the dog outside the window while the dog wriggles franticly trying to escape.
"Oh my god! Oh my god!" she screams as little guy jerks free and flies off the side of the road, lands feet first and runs into the woods.
"Great! Now he is going to get lost! I told you we shouldn't have brought the goddamn dog!" The husband stops the car and I wake up.

Yes, I can feel it. There is a whole new Homeward Bound adventure brewing here. A classic dysfunctional family movie. I just don't know where it is going yet. I'll hold off on the call to Disney.

AM radio in the AM

2008-01-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

Hello there. Back in commission in the year of '08. Wondering if disaster awaits. Hoping for the best. Keeping it simple. Went to the laundromat today. Still one of my top five places to drink, but not this time. Better than that it is one of the best places to read comments left by other patrons and one in particular today.

"Dear Mr. Jean,
Had trouble with washer 17. Put in 75¢, but it wouldn't take any more. Also, the detergent dispenser, wouldn't dispense the detergent I selected. Only took my money like every woman I have been with. Can I possibly get a refund?"

He left his name and phone number which I have forgotten. But I thank him for the gently giggle I got out of it in a pre-caffeine stupor. Remember it's not always about the stupid I saw U's and marker in bathroom stalls.

Signing off, fromundertheovercast.

way to much of a good idea

2007-12-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

Relieve me of the chaos. I had the privilege of attending one of the most mind numbing events of my existence today. Think kids, lots of kids. Lots of "parents" that would rather stuff their faces than pay attention to what kids are getting into. Lots of overweight, overenthusiastic, hideously dressed employees. The hokie-pokie.....errrrr. And lastly a giant rodent that invades your bubble in an attempt to be friendly but without second thought would be gushing blood inside that suit while I stand there with swollen knuckles. Yes, the grand opening of Chuck E. Cheese's. Right up my alley really. Then there is the little guy, half my height but looks just like me. Loved it, even though he wouldn't say boo to anyone, especially the rat. When the hokie-pokie started we had both decided that we were done. Any other 6 year old would be all about it, but he is just way too cool for it. I can't blame him. He is mature for his age and really just wants to hang out. It would have been just as fun if we were the only two there.

It's over. I survived. But I foresee a recurrence of this event. Count to ten. We'll make it.

no escape

2007-12-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

Some strange dreams. Lots of dreams with rivers. In almost all of them I am in some sort of vehicle. This last time it was a green van. The driver was trying to smuggle me across the river because I was a fugitive. There was a woman with us that I have never met but I knew she was a fugitive as well. There was no mention of the events which had led to the three of us evading the law but the whole thing had an eerie yet desperate feeling to it. Almost like hopelessness.
I was on the floor behind the driver's side seat. I kept looking at him in the rear view mirror. He had curly red hair and bushy red eyebrows. The whole episode had overtones of green. An emerald green. I don't know what it could possibly represent, but the river was that shade, so was the van, and so was the driver's vest that he wore over a white and burgundy flannel. I have been trying to decide if he looked more like a fisherman or a school bus driver. He had sweat on his brow and I could tell he was breathing irregularly. He was afraid of us although I didn't understand why. The context was a mystery to me, but in the back of my mind I knew his anxiety was justified. I didn't feel like I had forced him to abate us against his will, but I knew he shouldn't have been there.
"The bridge is up here soon" he said, "'bout a mile."
The woman was in the passenger seat. She had long brown hair, mid 20's, very attractive. She looked back at me. The concern and compassion she conveyed to me made it evident that she loved me or at least at some time had loved me. At the same time I knew what the expression meant even before she said it.
"They're gonna be waiting for us up there."
"Why don't we just keep driving?" I asked. "We don't have to cross. We can stay on this side."
"They will be at the next crossing." she said. Why did we need to cross? I didn't understand and it was frustrating me. I could hear a train passing on the other side of the river. I looked out the window and saw it passing in the distance. The horn was the sound of impending doom.
"There it is," the driver said as we approached the bridge knowing that we had no alternative. It was a left turn onto the bridge. Has we made the turn shots were fired, riddling the side of the van. I got down on my stomach and looked toward the front of the van. Our driver had been hit. My fugitive partner reached for the wheel but it was too late. We hit the water. I panicked as I was submerged in green.

On another note, I added a playlist with a wide spectrum of audio enjoyment. Some heavy, some not so heavy. They are all my favorites for varied reasons. Some relaxing, some exhilarating, some just down right comical. But if Dio tells you to jump on the tiger, you know what to do. Just shut up and do it!

whiskey: the ultimate catalyst

2007-12-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am looking for items of importance that I lost or misplaced. Other times I am wondering what I lost or misplaced. Sometimes I misplace my apartment. I need to hire a guard that won't let me out of my apartment under any circumstances, the only trouble being how am I to make the income to pay such a person. Sometimes I swear, if I were a human torch, Eugene would go up in flames. Other times I wonder who would even notice.

Aesop's fables are to humans as humans are to...

2007-12-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

Assuming that life forms from the vast number of other specks in the universe are far advanced in comparison to the human race, mentally and technologically, is it safe to say that within minutes or even seconds they could mastermind the logic problems and systems of communication that have become commonplace to us over the course of a few years, decades or even centuries? Seriously, any traveler from another planet would have such extensive knowledge of us at this juncture, our military, technology, theology, philosophy, history, geography... It would be looking over my shoulder right now thinking "man you're dumb" or "this subject is of extremely low intelligence, no threat of hostility or even intellectual thought."

Winded question posed, conclusion reached with no supporting point of view.

Then arises the ultimate argument against: why would they care? Do they feel empathy? Maybe they have enough knowledge of their own history to see us in the same situation now as they once were. World unrest, political upheaval and pollution. Sure, right, fine. They really have their own motives. Say for a moment Predator genuinely cared about what I am doing. He would start a blog and probably comment on mine.
"Went into the city today, killed a few cocaine dealers. Tried to get Danny Glover but he got away (damn he's good). After a hard day killin' and collecting trophies I came home, finished my necklace of skulls..."

The most likely scenario is that other planets are teaching their young "don't be like the humans" while others hunt us for sport.

Predator's infrared sensors would prove obsolete in catching the Governor. Instead he would simply use RSS feeds from FOX News and local Sacramento newspapers.

it wasn't my real house. I've never seen it before.

2007-11-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

So there I was, hosting a party. A house party where, as most parties do, the number of people was steadily increasing. As the number of people was steadily increasing the number of people that I had not invited was dramatically increasing. There was little I could do. There had been some sort of ceremony near my house where people had been initiated into an anti-gravity religious sect. A cult if you will. Some of these people were friends and acquaintances that had apparently told me of this event in advance.
"Why, didn't you come?" they asked, "it was only a few blocks away." They wanted to make me feel bad like I had missed the concert of the century. But it wasn't a peer pressure thing. For some reason beyond my knowledge they felt that since I lived so close I was obligated to attend. To me it just seemed like hype. They all had much paler skin than I remembered. There were others that had come from another part of town. They sat socializing and playing board games. I was disinterested. I was growing claustrophobic, and had an overwhelming need to kick everyone the hell out. I looked at the calender hanging in my kitchen, full of drunk people. Wasn't my party supposed to be tomorrow night? One after another they brought up this life changing event. It seemed like it wasn't new to them, almost ritualistic . They had been touched by the hand of god and I had missed the boat.
"You see, it's a force stronger than gravity. The only reason we are here is because we focus so strongly on Earth and earthy possessions. Don't you see? Don't you get it?" Apparently I didn't. I was drunk. There were spilled drinks everywhere. I had carpet that in several spots was saturated with red wine.
"Come on man! Come with us! We're so close. Once you let go, gravity means nothing. Nothing can keep us here." For some reason I knew that this whole situation was not just smoke and mirrors. I had seen the lights down the street as people started showing up at my house. They stretched far off into the sky to some focal point that could not be seen with the naked eye.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" I screamed, "you guys have been duped by some stupid fucking aliens!" For some reason I was half naked and looking for the rest of my clothes. "This is no different than last time." I told them. They didn't get it. Why did everyone keep buying into this stupid kinda shit? I wasn't going, EVER.
A police car pulled into my driveway. I went out to assess the problem thinking most likely it was a noise complaint. "Sorry to inform you, the road is out. Everyone is going to have to stay here for now." the officer told me.
"What do you mean the road is out?" I asked. He stepped into the light and I looked at his face. It was beyond pale. Really a pale-blue. Small portions of his face were missing, revealing bits of muscle tissue and bone underneath. The cartilage over his right nostril was half gone.
"The anti-gravity took the road away. There is no other way out."
"Fuck...I guess it's a good thing I'm drunk." I replied.

2007-11-20T17:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there is nothing better than telling others how you feel.

pie a zombie in the face

2007-11-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is it just that time of year? The holidays approach once again and I have dreams that in many ways look like waking life. Lots of red and green and flashing lights, excess consumption really only for the sake of itself but veiled in the spirit of giving. It is really easy to get caught in it all. Deer in headlights. What am I doing in this store again? I had a list. I wander around for awhile surrounded by the sights and sounds of crap I don't need only to leave empty handed. Or try to leave. This is where things begin to escalate against my will. As I walk from one aisle to the next the entire scene morphs slowly before my eyes. An enormous retail city spans out in all directions with a whole new, unique and unstable architecture. I realize that I have little chance of escape without a map. The scene grows much dimmer as I am enveloped in the vastness of it all. Trapped in a public place where all the aesthetic that draws me in has expired. The fluorescent lights look more like street lights. The walls once painted white are now cold brick giving the impression that I am in an alley. There are burning barrels. I realize who the monsters are. These dreams always have a carnival like aspect to them. There is always someone heckling and haggling, usually wearing a hat that is way, way over the top. Maybe missing a body part, maybe with an extra body part.

In contrast to the summer time, the time of year when the crazies come out and cause trouble, it is right about now that the "normal" ones come out to buy. The weather isn't very encouraging for going anywhere. But I suppose if you don't have any serotonin level it wouldn't make much difference to you. I strongly advise staying home this year and making a gift for at least one friend. Even if it is as simple as burning them a CD. You never really know what you will run into out there. Signing off, fromundertheovercast.

bible lessons for children of the 80's

2007-11-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

More on Exodus. I figured I can give my take on this after playing it for about 5 minutes. The game play feels sort of like Bomberman gone wrong. There is a bunch of stuff in your way. You have to "zap" your way through squares of brush or sand, I can't tell what the hell it is but it is referred to as the "murmurings of Israel" and oh yes, it is true, Moses shoots lightning that really only travels a relative distance to static electricity. This "zapping" of objects that are obstructions to your mission is actually referred to in the game as the "word of God." Once you fight your way through the Pharaoh's magicians and collect enough manna jars you can advance through the flashing exit. In Bomberman it was simply a hidden door (much to simple for a game with such biblical implication). Before you advance to the next level you are asked a series of questions about Exodus. Correct answers are rewarded with bibles. Incorrect answers are followed by lashings from your disappointed parents. You get the impression that since you can move in all four directions that the game is a top view perspective. But if you remove "murmurings of Israel" from underneath boulders (obstacles of faith) they fall on you and you are forced to restart the level. Maybe technically they roll onto you. Anyway, for a more extensive glossary of items and enemies you can hit select on the screen following the start screen where you choose the number of players. Bomberman was a way cooler game and taught a much better lesson to children: if you have enemies, don't rub your shoes on the carpet and sneak up behind them with a pointed finger, just blow them up.

You be the judge.

new hobbies

2007-11-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

Friends have been telling me for months that I need to find a new hobby or maybe just something to occupy my time. So at long last I have come up with a few things. If I were to mention any of the following to them they would probably respond with a "whatever" or "Dude that is totally not what I meant." Either way it is proof that I am entirely helpless. I mean come on, for fucks sake I have a blog.

Perfecting the laughter of various generic villains. The mad scientist, the Russian spy, the demon, the inbred redneck murderer, the crazy old man that no takes seriously...

Playing 8 bit Nintendo games that I never played as a child and explaining why you should stay the hell away from them unless you are easily amused. You should try Exodus unless you were the poor soul in the days of 8 bit that had parents that bought that one for you.

Surfing the web, looking at other people's blogs (go figure.)

Alright that's it, I'm going for a walk. Gonna see if I can get lost. If you see me don't try to stop me. I am way too busy coming up with new ways to waste my time.

mal·le·a·ble 1. capable of being extended or shaped by hammering or by pressure from rollers. 2.adaptable or tractable: the malleable mind of a child

2007-11-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

At the brink. When you reach that point it can be a task to work your way back. I wear rubber bands around my wrists to test whether I am dreaming or not. Unfortunately my unconscious mind has become aware of this fact. You feel the sting in a dream too. If nothing else this test serves as a recognition that differentiation needs to be made. The brain is a complex computer. Just like the computer I use to type this now the product is all dependent on what is pressed. Stimuli. You never really know what the hell you are going to get out of it.

I had a dream that I was in Los Angeles and I had tickets to The Price Is Right. I was in a serious rush to get there before the show started but I couldn't get there because I couldn't find my shoes.......really. Apparently I have become equally intoxicated in dreams as in reality. The most insane part of it is that this absurd behavior is not so far fetched. I have done stranger things.

I don't need to go to sleep to escape reality. I just have to keep convincing myself that I have a night life. But by the time the night is over, and by brain has become a very malleable gelatinous mass, I realize once again that maybe sleep is the only thing that can keep me in check. Grinding animal bones.

this one is on me

2007-10-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

By far one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me and probably to anyone else for that matter is the rare occasion of finding money on the street or another public place. I was in a mall parking lot about a month ago, around 6 pm, no cars. Just me and while walking, in the distance, some green paper. When I got there I realized it was a twenty. Some people say this never happens to them. I find that hard to believe. With all the money floating around out there that my drunk ass has found, there has to be plenty for everyone with at least one functioning eye. On the subject of finding money, I have concluded there is only one good way to handle it: don't hesitate. Pick up that cash as if you had just dropped it. Don't look around for more than two seconds and keep walking. I have narrowed it down to two fundamental points. First, money found in public is public domain. Who is there to return it to even if you had the heart to do so? Second, the dumbass that lost the money is probably calling himself one at that very moment, or will be in the near future. Some people call this situation luck, when really it is being observant and at the right place at the right time.

Don't ponder on this either as the poor bastard that lost forty dollars while stumbling down the street after getting kicked out of the bar for carrying his pint onto the sidewalk, nor as the receiver of these "public donations."

There is only one true injustice when it comes to this situation. Last night I dreamed that I found an old brown leather wallet, with nothing in it but two fifties. Ask yourself, what is the most money I have ever found? Then ask, what is the most money I have ever found in a dream? I was pissed. I ripped myself off!

multitasking

2007-10-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those dreams where you are at work? I have been accused of being dishonest about dreaming of the workplace because I am a robot and therefore don't actually experience states of consciousness and unconsciousness. I must disagree with that argument. Everyone has those dreams except maybe those select individuals that are unemployed. Yes, I am programmed to dream, an android really, not a robot. I don't ask the question because I have been dreaming about work lately but to use it as a segue to what I do for money. I make signs. I hang signs. (Would be awesome in a dream though wouldn't it?)

To hang some of these signs you use one of these:

What's that saying...oh yeah, a picture says a thousand words. I know, I am still looking for the other 997.
Over the course of my employment I have found several other uses for these sharp metal clips. Here we go.

1) Putting in your pocket so that the edges poke you repeatedly in the leg as a form of self torture.
2) A more practical use, cutting open objects that are wrapped in plastic.
3) My personal favorite, scratching someone's corneas. (Nobody pays attention to the signs anyway.)

Okay, I admit it. That's all I got. Not all androids are created equal.

recurrence

2007-10-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have had several dreams lately where I am in multistory buildings that are condemned maybe not because they are no longer structurally sound. They always have holes in the brick walls and wooden floors that are big enough to crawl or fall through, but these buildings are always inhabited by vast amounts of at least two species. Most recently cats and small children. The only light seeps in through the cracks and holes it the ceilings. It's just enough to see them escape into the next room. "Watch your step." "Do you pay rent here?" Okay, maybe I watch to many movies. Or maybe I just don't get out enough.