this one is on me

By far one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me and probably to anyone else for that matter is the rare occasion of finding money on the street or another public place. I was in a mall parking lot about a month ago, around 6 pm, no cars. Just me and while walking, in the distance, some green paper. When I got there I realized it was a twenty. Some people say this never happens to them. I find that hard to believe. With all the money floating around out there that my drunk ass has found, there has to be plenty for everyone with at least one functioning eye. On the subject of finding money, I have concluded there is only one good way to handle it: don't hesitate. Pick up that cash as if you had just dropped it. Don't look around for more than two seconds and keep walking. I have narrowed it down to two fundamental points. First, money found in public is public domain. Who is there to return it to even if you had the heart to do so? Second, the dumbass that lost the money is probably calling himself one at that very moment, or will be in the near future. Some people call this situation luck, when really it is being observant and at the right place at the right time.

Don't ponder on this either as the poor bastard that lost forty dollars while stumbling down the street after getting kicked out of the bar for carrying his pint onto the sidewalk, nor as the receiver of these "public donations."

There is only one true injustice when it comes to this situation. Last night I dreamed that I found an old brown leather wallet, with nothing in it but two fifties. Ask yourself, what is the most money I have ever found? Then ask, what is the most money I have ever found in a dream? I was pissed. I ripped myself off!

multitasking

Do you ever have those dreams where you are at work? I have been accused of being dishonest about dreaming of the workplace because I am a robot and therefore don't actually experience states of consciousness and unconsciousness. I must disagree with that argument. Everyone has those dreams except maybe those select individuals that are unemployed. Yes, I am programmed to dream, an android really, not a robot. I don't ask the question because I have been dreaming about work lately but to use it as a segue to what I do for money. I make signs. I hang signs. (Would be awesome in a dream though wouldn't it?)

To hang some of these signs you use one of these:

What's that saying...oh yeah, a picture says a thousand words. I know, I am still looking for the other 997.
Over the course of my employment I have found several other uses for these sharp metal clips. Here we go.

1) Putting in your pocket so that the edges poke you repeatedly in the leg as a form of self torture.
2) A more practical use, cutting open objects that are wrapped in plastic.
3) My personal favorite, scratching someone's corneas. (Nobody pays attention to the signs anyway.)

Okay, I admit it. That's all I got. Not all androids are created equal.

recurrence

I have had several dreams lately where I am in multistory buildings that are condemned maybe not because they are no longer structurally sound. They always have holes in the brick walls and wooden floors that are big enough to crawl or fall through, but these buildings are always inhabited by vast amounts of at least two species. Most recently cats and small children. The only light seeps in through the cracks and holes it the ceilings. It's just enough to see them escape into the next room. "Watch your step." "Do you pay rent here?" Okay, maybe I watch to many movies. Or maybe I just don't get out enough.