stoop: v. 4. a. to lower or debase oneself b. to descend from a superior position; condescend

Friday morning note from my officemate. Little does he know where I spent Thursday night.

The legend of Prince Valient a.k.a. crappy action gameplay

This is another one that I never played as a child and for two reasons. For one, I probably would have glanced at the cartridge packaging and said, "man that looks lame" and secondly it was only released in Europe. Now thanks to the wonders of online emulation of the NES I can enjoy the experience, one that would have been a rarity at the time of the games release.
The Legend of Prince Valiant was released in 1992 in the midst of the animated television series of the same name, which aired on The Family Channel (does The Family Channel still exist?.) I'm sure that the timing of the release was well intended to sell many a copy of this action adventure for all ages. The animated series and the game are based on the comic strip which has been in existence since 1937. The design and developer (Ocean) has done several other games that I was familiar with as a child.
Let me be straight with you. You throw stuff at bad guys. I don't even know who the bad guys are or what you are throwing at them. Before starting game play you can read the story. It tells of the marsh which just happens to be the first stage you must pass. I killed the evil serpent and made it to a bat, then I gave up. Basically you kill bad guys that either try to grab you, or impale you with arrows and spears. In killing these evil woodland cutthroats you are rewarded with energy increases, small portions of time (gee thanks) and tokens. Don't ask, I don't know what the tokens are either. There are traps in the ground that are instant death. You may as well jump in the first one you see, for the marsh is just too perilous for some sissy prince. The king needs to send a damn army in there.
Things I quickly discovered about this game: You can't throw things when you are kneeling. You can't throw things when you are jumping. Go ahead try to throw one of those things at that archer in the background who constantly pelts you with arrows. You're fucked. I challenge you to make it past the bat, and hopefully to the next level where you get to shoot the woodland cutthroats with a crossbow.
I congratulate Prince Valiant for making it over 70 years in the papers even if I can't make it past 5 minutes of the game. How else can I describe it? I am looking in my thesaurus for the best antonyms of epic, glorious, adventurous, or anything else one might use to describe mid-evil fairy tale type shit. It's about as epic as say...doing your laundry.
**Important** Prince Valiant can't swim.

The little man's rules of dating girls.

1) Don't go out on a date with a girl you have never met before.
2) Don't kiss a girl you have never met before.
3) You are not allowed to kiss a girl until you have been on 17 dates.
4) It's okay to marry a girl after you have been on 18 dates.
5) In order for any of the rules to count, first you have to go through me. I'm not saying that it needs to be okay with me. I mean that you have to beat me one on one in a wrestling match.